


look at me

by shatja (shatiaslove)



Category: Original Work
Genre: Bad English, Depressing, Depression, Diary/Journal, Help, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, I Don't Even Know, I Tried, I can't breath, I'm Sorry, Introspection, Melancholy, One Shot, Original Fiction, Sad, Sadness, Sentimental, Short, Short One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts, Why Did I Write This?, english is not my first language, look at me, please, shatiasdope, shatiaslove, suicidal things, thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-26
Updated: 2019-07-26
Packaged: 2020-07-20 10:07:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 447
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19990351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shatiaslove/pseuds/shatja
Summary: Just look at me, and please, please, please, see that I’m suffering and I.





	look at me

How can my breath feel so even when I feel like I can’t breath at all? When I feel like I’m trapped inside my own body? When I feel like I could die a little bit, I can die a little bit, and I can’t even complain, I can’t even say anything, because that’s just what I want to do, die, that is. I feel like something, someone, is pressing onto my ribcage and I can’t breath, I can’t breath, but, in reality, I can breath just fine. It’s all inside, it’s all inside, and it doesn’t make it better, because, because, because people tend to think that you’re happy if you smile, when you smile; if your face is just the same as always, same old smile, minus the bright happiness in your eyes; if your words are sarcastic comments and witty replies. But that’s not how it is, that’s not how it works. You can’t and won’t find happiness outside, it is inside, just like sadness. And I’m sad, I’m sad, I’m sad, and nobody seems to get the struggles I’m facing, the battles I’m fighting, battles that never seem to end, that never seem to quiet down, that never seem to let me breath, that never leave me alone. I’m just fighting against my own damned self and I just want to scream and cry and burn myself alive just to be looked at, for a moment, for a single moment. Look at me, please, look at me. Notice me, see right through me, forget about the smile I’ve showed you a minute before, forget about my laugh and my joyful tone of voice. Forget about everything. Just look at me, and please, please, please, see that I’m suffering and I.

I can’t do this anymore.

Because everyone goes.

Everyone goes and is happy and has a good life and has love and doesn’t lie in a bed of lies.

But me.

But me.

I’m there

In a bed of lies

Surrounded by lies.

I should’ve expected it.

Because karma is a bitch and I’m no lucky person.

But please, please, please.

Just once, just for this time.

Please.

Look at me, see my dying soul, see the nothing I’ve become, see the numbness in my eyes.

Please, please, please.

Don’t kill me. Don’t hurt me. Don’t.

Just stay.

Notice me.

And remind me

That you know

That you can see it, the suffering, I mean, the sadness, I mean, the bleeding, I mean.

See me. Notice me.

Look at me, at my soul, at my black heart.

And stay.

A silent nod of your head, is enough.

And your eyes

Finally

Wide open.


End file.
